Disclaimer: JKR owns anything that is obviously hers. I own the rest. I do not make any money off this.
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger, Theodore Nott, Others
Genres: Angst, Drama, Humour, Romance
Story Warnings: Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Profanity, Smut
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Hermione needs to get rid of her pesky virginity for her very own reasons. The solution to that is, of course, to make a list of the boys at Hogwarts to find out which one will suit her purpose best! Draco Malfoy is at first left off her list, but when he finds out and teases her about it, she realises that maybe he has a point--after all, who would be better to take her virginity than the most gossiped about skirt chaser at Hogwarts? He's not quite as willing as she thought he'd be, though. Written to fit a prompt.
Extra Note: Thank you to mazvn and cklls for the beta and dollfaced for the banner. :)
Chapter Length: 5,137
Draco was confused. Hermione seemed to be avoiding him all of a sudden and he had no clue why. She sat far from him in class, sent no notes, and one time he was certain she changed her path to avoid him.
Finally, he sent a note to her. “I’ll come by tonight.”
The reply was swift and merciless. “I have other plans, sorry.”
What was that supposed to mean? Hadn’t she wanted him to come by?
“But I have something I want to talk to you about.”
“It will have to wait.”
“What about during library duty, then?”
“Didn’t the Headmistress summon you yet? She’s back and so is Madam Pince. Our library duty is over. ”
Draco blinked at the bit of parchment in front of him. He'd heard no such thing. He couldn't say he was exactly pleased at having to go back to the painful scrutiny of before, but it was inevitable, he supposed.
"No library duty, then," he wrote back. "But I'll come over tomorrow."
She didn't respond and he chose to interpret her silence as agreement.
"So... as Head Girl, exactly how many areas of this castle do you have access to?" Mallory asked.
Hermione pursed her lips. She couldn't get over the fact that Ginny had put her together with Mallory of all people. Apparently his new relationship had been short and tempestuous. Or, as Ginny put it, 'rather typical for their age'.
"A lot of them. Why?" she answered.
"I hear the view from the Astronomy Tower is good this time of night." He flashed her a grin.
At least he wasn't afraid to use regular old innocent lines on her.
"That could perhaps be arranged," she airily replied, "but what would be in it for me?"
"I'm certain I could find a way to show my gratitude," he said with a wink.
She laughed. There was no way she could stop herself from laughing at such a show of light-hearted charm.
"Come on, then," she said, leading the way to the tower.
"I was surprised Weasley approached me on your behalf," he conversationally said as they were walking along. "I didn't think you had any problems doing your own asking out."
Hermione shrugged. "I've had some bad experiences lately. I'd rather not be rejected to my face right now."
"I know that feeling," he muttered. "Why do these things always have to be so complicated?"
"They don't," Hermione simply replied, opening the locked door that guarded the tower stairs.
"What do you mean?" Mallory asked.
"I mean that we could keep it simple. Not get involved like that."
"No involvement?" he asked, sounding sceptical.
"I wouldn't say no involvement. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mind some physical involvement."
The way he looked at her, she could tell he was considering it. "I don't think I'd mind that," he replied.
"Of course you wouldn't," she said with a smirk.
Draco stared at the scene before him. Other plans, indeed. Why was she suddenly rejecting him to go off with some other bloke? He didn't know Mallory very well, but considering that the boy was only sixteen or so, he wasn't bound to live up to Hermione's high expectations regarding experience.
Maybe it was only him she required that from.
He couldn't make out everything they were saying, but even he could see how much she was flirting from where he was standing.
It was a good thing he'd seen them walk by as he was coming from the library and had decided to follow them. It would've been rather embarrassing to have confessed his own sexual status when this was what she was up to.
Suddenly, Mallory bent forward and kissed Hermione. It was a hesitant kiss at first, but Hermione didn't object, so it quickly became more passionate.
Draco couldn't believe his own eyes.
How many others had she been out with, then? How many boys had she "tested" and attempted to seduce in these past few weeks? How many had slept in her bed and had to deal with that stupid cat of hers? Was she even still a virgin?
How many lies could one little Muggle-born seductress spew in a few weeks?
Without making his presence known, he turned on his heel and walked away.
"Stop!" Hermione gasped, breaking free from Mallory. "I need air."
He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. I was having fun."
Oddly, she hadn't been having that much fun. Mallory seemed to be a competent kisser, but she simply didn't feel any spark with him. He was cute as hell, but mostly she wanted to hug and pet him—in a decidedly non-sexual way.
"Maybe we should save the Astronomy Tower for some other time," she said.
"Yeah?" he said, looking suggestive. "What did you have in mind, then?"
She hated to disappoint him, but she'd better quash those hopes of his fast. "Homework! I mean, I just remember that I have a lot of it and I should really get it done."
"It's Friday. You have all weekend."
"You'd think that, but what with being the Head Girl and... and I promised to tutor some people and I'm helping at the library and... I really have to go. I'm sorry. I didn't think this through, obviously."
"You think everything through."
"No, I really don't. Trust me."
"If you're regretting this, just say so."
She flinched. "I'm sorry." Then she hurriedly walked off.
Draco sat in his common room, pondering that very question. He hadn't realised how much he'd counted on somehow getting to the finishing line with Hermione until now when it was fairly obvious that it wouldn't happen.
He also hadn't realised how much he'd let her get to him.
He couldn't remember feeling this sick about seeing two people kiss since he'd walked in on Pansy snogging Theo. This was all very odd, considering that he'd been going out with Pansy for almost five years and he'd only snogged Hermione for a few weeks.
He tried not to put too much importance on it, though. He'd already known that Pansy had been drifting away from him back then and he'd mostly kept her around because it was comforting to have someone so familiar.
He simply hadn't expected to be shafted like that, not then and not now. That was all.
Zabini entered the room and gained a look of unholy glee when he spotted Draco. "Malfoy! Just the wizard I wanted to see!"
"What?" Draco dully responded, not in the mood for Slytherin games.
"I merely wanted to express my appreciation that you made a certain witch named Jenny need to be comforted."
"Ah. And I suppose you did the comforting."
"Yes, indeed." He flashed a grin.
Draco couldn't care less. "So, was she worth your time?"
"More than worth it," Zabini assured him. "That witch knows a few tricks."
"You'll be seeing her again, then?"
Zabini snorted. "You must be joking. She's half-blood. She's good but not that good."
Draco nodded. That was a very real concern as well. Blood status. Almost everyone in Slytherin would have their lives very seriously impacted in a negative way if they were to openly associate with a half-blood on equal terms. A Muggle-born was almost unthinkable.
Zabini excused himself to go to bed, but Draco hardly noticed him.
He was battling a lot of feelings about Hermione that he didn't fully understand. There was the frustration of thwarted lust, the disgust of her duplicity, and something that did feel a bit like sadness. After he'd realised how much he wanted her, he'd still liked her well enough to not want to ruin her first time with his inexperience when she'd clearly wanted something better than that.
He'd even decided to be honest with her.
Draco had always figured that whilst Hermione could hold her own against him and his friends, she was genuinely kind and caring. If anyone ever truly needed her for something, she would be there, no questions asked. He even thought she'd help out Pansy if the need arose and he knew first-hand from hours of listening to Pansy how much the two of them despised each other.
Yet she'd led him on, only to reject him to go out with someone else for no reason at all. That wasn't kind at all! If he'd had feelings for her—which he didn't—it would've been downright cruel! And here he'd thought that in spite of everything, they'd shared a few moments in that bed of hers. Obviously, he was mistaken.
Maybe he should merely sleep with her.
The thought gave him pause.
Of course, there was no guarantee that she even still wanted to, but maybe she could be persuaded if he came on to her strong enough. And then he could, whether she was still a virgin or not, get what he craved so badly, and he wouldn't even have to feel rotten about it. It would be her own fault for how she'd treated him. Besides, he really would do his best and try as many times as she'd let him, so he wasn't being a complete dick to her, in spite of what she'd done.
He simply needed to have her. Once he'd had her, all these heavy feelings in the pit of his stomach would go away, he was certain of that.
When the knock finally sounded on Hermione's door, she hesitated to open it. She knew it was Draco out there; she simply didn't know what to do about him. She could pretend she didn't know about his other girls and go ahead and try to seduce him, or she could tell him definitively no.
Neither option appealed to her. She still felt bile rising in her throat whenever she thought of him with that other witch, but she didn't know where else to find that kind of chemistry. He'd spoiled her into not even wanting to snog Mallory, damn it!
The knock came again, more insistent this time. "Stop playing games, Granger!" Draco's voice said from the other side of the door.
She huffed and slammed the door open. "I do not—!"
His lips were on hers before she could finish and he was crowding her to the point where she was forced to step back, only to have him follow.
What was this?
She tried to object, but he ignored it and merely used the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth, stroking hers in just the way he'd discovered she enjoyed it last time he'd been here.
She felt herself going soft against him, giving in to how lovely it felt. He had to still want her to kiss her like this. Maybe she could look past her hurt feelings and still have one night with him.
She slid her arms around his neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss, even going so far as standing on the tip of her toes to reach him more easily. At first he seemed stunned, but then he grabbed her neck, making the kiss more forceful, almost painful.
"Wait! No..." She turned her head away.
"What?" he sneered. "Now you suddenly don't want to?"
She stared at him in shock at his hostility. "The door is open..."
He turned around, shut the door and locked it. "There."
"What's wrong?" she had to ask.
"Yes. So, so wrong." Then he kissed her again, no less aggressively than before.
Hermione was confused to say the least.
He pushed her backwards until her calves hit the bed and then further, making her fall back on it. She gave him a wide-eyed stare, trying to figure out what he was doing, but there was only a second's respite before he resumed the kiss, sliding his hand up under her shirt to grab her breast, hard.
She gasped. This was wrong. This wasn't what she wanted. She turned her head aside and he took it as an invitation to rake her neck with his teeth. She winced. It wasn't painful per se, but he was definitely on the rough side of pleasant.
His other hand moved down to her waist and began fumbling for a way to open her trousers and she froze. No! Not like this!
"Stop..." she muttered, trying to push his hand away.
"Shut up," he growled. "This is what you wanted, isn't it? To drive me so mindless that I can't refuse? Well, you have it now. Aren't you pleased?"
Just because I offered you something before, doesn't mean you're entitled to it now!
"No! Wait!" She shoved at him with all her might.
He resisted at first but then simply sneered and moved off her. "So that was your plan all along? To reject me before anything happened?"
She shook her head. "I think you need to leave."
"Oh, I'll leave." He got up, adjusting his own clothes as he did so. "But, Granger? Don't you ever dare come near me again."
He slammed the door after himself and Hermione was left on her bed trying to figure out what had just happened.
Draco was lying fully clothed on his stomach on top of his covers, his face buried in his pillow.
He didn't even know himself any more.
The plan had been to come on strong to Hermione, not to partially violate her. But seeing her, feeling her yield to him, realising how much he wanted her... it had made him angry and frustrated and he'd wanted to punish her. He'd wanted to make her hurt.
Since when was that him?
Since he couldn't get that damn image of her kissing some other boy out of his head, that was when.
He began shaking. So this was what he was made of? Someone who'd get jealous for no reason and then turn into a monster?
Why did she have to make him want her like that? He'd known it had been a bad idea from the start. She brought out the worst in him, and he was quite certain that he brought some of the worst out in her as well.
It really had been a bad idea.
A very bad idea.
Why did he have to want her?
Why did he want to hurt her so much that he hurt himself?
This was worse than his very worst fears.
She jumped at the sound of his voice and spun around, clutching the book she'd been perusing to her chest. "If I'm not supposed to go near you again, then you can't talk to me!"
He flinched. "I know... I... I overreacted. I'm sorry."
"Uh-huh." She glanced around, probably mapping her escape route in case things got unpleasant.
"And I was out of line."
"Yes." She nodded, looking very much in agreement.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I... understand if you're staying angry with me."
"No, really?" she said, sarcasm dripping from her voice before she continued in a hushed tone, "You understand if I'm staying angry at you? After what you did?"
"It was still assault and you know it."
"If I hadn't been rough, would you have minded?"
"It doesn't matter. You were rough and I did mind!"
She was right and this conversation was over. He didn't want it to end like that, but he didn't know what else to say. "I saw the two of you," he blurted out.
"You and the one you crib-robbed."
Her flip response infuriated him even though he had some vague awareness that it shouldn't. "And I don't appreciate being led around like that."
"Oh, that's rich, coming from you!"
"So you're going to pretend you haven't been doing things with other witches?"
"Of course I haven't!" Not really.
She sneered, a look wholly unbecoming on her. "Do me a favour and save your lies for someone who'll believe them!"
"Lies? Since when do I lie to you?"
"Oh, let me see if I can remember... You have the most stunning eyes I've ever seen. But remind me again, Draco—is it blue or brown you prefer?"
His mouth had fallen open. "Were you following me?"
She shook her head as if not believing his gall. "Not the issue here. The issue is that you're a two-timing liar, so you can't criticise me!"
"And yet you'd have slept with me if I hadn't been rough," he saw it fit to point out.
"Hey, I invested a lot of time in you—might as well get some payoff."
That sounded disturbingly familiar to him. Was that really how he'd acted towards others in the past? "You heartless bitch."
"I wasn't two-timing. We were non-exclusive." And nothing happened. Somehow he didn't want to reveal that last bit. He didn't want to look like he was pining for Hermione.
"And yet you got pissed off that I went out with someone. Something doesn't match up here." She adopted a haughty, disdainful look that he'd never seen on her before.
Of course she was right. None of his feelings matched up and it was confusing and maddening. But, damn it, nothing had happened with Jenny! Who knew what had gone on between Hermione and her toy boy?
"So we've both made mistakes," he said, trying to get back to status quo with her.
"Nuh-uh," she replied, violently shaking her head again. "You went out with a witch first and you were an arse first!"
That much was probably true. He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to make her see some humour in the situation. "Where have you been for the past seven years, Hermione? I've always been an arse."
She pursed her lips as if amused but not wanting to be. "As I said, you were an arse first. I didn't specify when."
"Yet you wanted me," he reminded her.
"It seemed logical at the time."
He couldn't help but laugh at that notion.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "What exactly do you want from me?"
"Another chance." This was perhaps a bit too honest, but how else would he get a second chance?
"Why? You weren't too thrilled about the first one."
"It grew on me."
"You scared me!"
He looked away. How could he defend that? "I know."
"So... what? We have sex once—"
"Might take two or three times to get the most out of it," he was quick to interject.
"—one night, and then what?"
He shrugged. "Hey, this was all your idea."
"You don't want to any longer?"
"Come to my room next Saturday after dinner and we'll discuss it," she said.
"That's almost a whole week from now!"
"Take it or leave it."
To have sex or not to have sex, that was the question. Hermione found it extremely hard to find an answer to this question. She was obviously still very physically attracted to Draco, but he'd really scared her last time and he'd had sex with that other girl.
She did her very best for the next six days to simply get over it. Forgiveness was a state of mind, right? She actually had a much easier time forgiving his rough approach to her last time than she did forgiving that he'd been with someone else. It didn't matter how often she told herself that this was stupid. She hated the thought of him touching anyone else, kissing them, doing all the things to them that he'd always refused to do to her.
Why had he refused having sex with her until now? She'd somehow thought it meant he had abstained from sex altogether, but obviously that wasn't the case. He'd preferred to use his parts on someone else. And it stung.
She'd thought he wanted her. Or, rather, she'd felt that he wanted her. That night he had spent in her bed, it had been pretty damn obvious that he'd had a hard time holding back. And then he'd simply gone and slept with someone else, right after their night of talking and kissing and even cuddling.
The thought made her sick. He made her sick. She made herself sick. She'd always known their fling was only some temporary physical thing, so why did she feel like this after one stupid night that didn't even include sex?
She was overreacting. After the thing with Ron, she was probably oversensitive to that kind of thing. Obviously she was no good at keeping things casual or having temporary breakups. She needed either a committed monogamous relationship or nothing at all.
But she could have that one night with Draco first. Didn't he kind of owe her that? And he seemed willing enough now. She only needed to keep her wand safely within reach so she could hex off his bits if he should become too rough again.
When the knock came on Saturday, she still wasn't prepared. She hadn't made any real decision about how to feel or what to do.
Still, she'd better open the door. So she did.
"Brown," he said.
"You asked me if I preferred blue or brown eyes, and I thought about it. I prefer brown. They look... deeper."
She snorted. "Don't even try to go back to giving me lines."
"I'm not." He shoved his hands in his pockets. "I especially like it when the eyes are so dark they're almost black. It looks very exotic and wise. I like people with brains and most blue-eyed girls I know are fairly vapid."
"You're seriously stereotyping people based on their eyes?" she had to ask.
"Hey, you asked my preferences and I gave them. Can I come in now?"
She stepped aside and let him in, closing the door behind him but making a point of not locking it.
"Ah," he said, looking at her face. "You don't look like you're in a very seductive mood today."
"I have my doubts," she admitted.
He sighed. "This is all so stupid. I should've gone for it when I had the chance."
"Why didn't you?"
"Why didn't you go for it?"
"Because I'm stupid, obviously."
"No, I need a better reason than that, Draco."
He shook his head. "What does it matter now?"
"Uh, well, you know, you're the Head Girl and—"
"Bite me!" she said by way of interruption. She was so sick of all his half-arsed excuses.
"That is not your reason. Neither is bigotry. Give me the real explanation before I lose my patience with you and kick you out again."
He looked away. "You will anyway."
"Because..." He sighed, looking rather resigned. "Remember how I wasn't as experienced as I was given credit for?"
"Yes. But as far as I can tell, you're working hard at remedying that."
"But that's just it! I've never had sex. Ever. Not even once. Not even with Pansy!" He was beginning to look agitated, fidgeting and twitching as if he wanted to pace, but he couldn't both do that and keep eye contact with her at the same time, and right now he seemed determined to keep eye contact. He wanted her to believe this.
She stared at him until her eyes went dry and then rapidly blinked. "Why would you say that?"
"You wanted the truth."
"No, that can't be the truth." There was so much evidence to the contrary! Or was it only hearsay? But how could he get a reputation like that without doing anything to warrant it?
"You don't kiss like a virgin," she rather tamely objected.
He snorted. "Neither do you."
"And I saw you..."
"Do what? Have sex? Hardly. I kissed her and then changed my mind."
Her eyes widened. "Oh." So he hadn't done anything, after all? Except for a kiss, of course. And intending to do something. Still... he'd changed his mind! The relief was immediate and so big she almost felt dizzy.
His cheeks flushed. "She wasn't my type, ok? I didn't want her. It had nothing to do with you."
"Of course." Hermione cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at him. "Just out of curiosity—why are you still a virgin?"
His blush deepened. "It's a coincidence."
"I don't think so."
"No, it really is. It's harder to get most girls in bed than you'd think."
"Maybe it doesn't help that you keep turning down someone who is perfectly willing?"
"You were so damn insistent that you wanted me for my experience when I actually had none."
She supposed she had been. "So why not simply tell me that?"
"Are you joking? And risk having everyone know?"
"Or you could've slept with me anyway."
"I wanted to, but each time I got so excited that I knew I'd give myself away. The last thing my reputation needs is to have someone as well-known as you ridiculing my prowess or revealing my inexperience."
"Wow, you really don't think very highly of me, do you?"
"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I never said my fears were rational. And there was also the issue of disappointing you."
"Why would you care about that?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
She shrugged. Because he was Draco Malfoy and generally didn't care much about others? "You're here today and you didn't seem like you were going to tell me this willingly... So I guess you got over it, huh?"
"I figured you might not actually be a virgin yourself any longer after you went out with Mallory."
Really? He'd thought she'd sleep with Mallory like that? Well, she supposed that had been the plan, but only because she'd thought he'd slept with someone else first! "Why would that matter?"
"It's the first time you remember, isn't it? Not the second. And if I really did botch it, I'd try again."
"And what if I'm still a virgin as well?"
He shrugged, looking mildly uncomfortable. "I'd do my best. I really would."
"But you didn't plan to tell me that you were a virgin."
"No. Because then you wouldn't give me the chance to try, would you? You wanted the Draco Malfoy the girls are whispering about in the corners. Not the real Draco Malfoy. Not me."
He really believed that? Hadn't he been there for any of their snogging sessions when she'd all but whimpered with need? "That might have been true at first, but you could've told me the night you stayed here."
"Why would I risk that? It would've been much better to simply get rid of it."
Hermione clasped her mouth with her hand as the meaning of his words hit her. "Oh, my God. That other witch... you were trying to..."
"It doesn't matter," he interrupted her. "I couldn't do it, all right? Didn't want her. She was a poor choice."
"This is the stupidest thing I ever heard."
"You really think you'd suddenly be a sex god after one time? You do realise that these things take time and practice? Not to mention that statistically speaking, most teenagers—"
"I simply didn't want to be overwhelmed!"
"Overwhelmed?" She cocked her head.
He looked very uncomfortable at her renewed scrutiny. "Whenever I touch, feel, taste or smell something new, I'm about to lose it. I didn't want to embarrass myself, ok?"
"I think that would be sexy."
"You getting so excited you lose it. I find that thought very sexy."
He snorted. "Wait until you try it and realise it leaves you unfulfilled."
"Why would I be unfulfilled? You can go again, right? And if you can't, there's always hands, fingers, lips and tongue... right?"
He stared at her. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that you could manually stimulate me."
"That's not what I asked and you know it."
She pursed her lips. "Then I guess I'm saying that I'm still considering it."
It was probably his lust talking, but right now she was so pretty, not to mention much sexier than any witch in Muggle clothes had any right to be. He couldn't tell her, though, because she'd feel like he was using a meaningless line and become offended, eliminating his already slim chances.
Draco glanced away, only to have his eyes fall on the bed. He'd had fantasies about this bed and the girl before him so many times that he could already feel himself reacting. Damn it.
"What do I have to do to convince you to do it?" he asked.
"First, you'll have to answer my question—why haven't you had sex yet?"
"I already told you!"
"No, we had a very interesting conversation about why you haven't had sex with me, but I don't buy that you couldn't get anyone to go to bed with you before."
She was far too observant, damn her. "It's true."
"That witch the other night seemed willing enough," she pointed out.
"I told you, I didn't really want her."
"That happen a lot?"
"What do you mean?"
"Seems to me that you don't enjoy it when it's too easy."
"And you've been hard?" It was probably a low blow, but it was hardly a secret who had been pursuing whom.
"Let's not forget that you've only really shown interest in me whenever I've intended to stop pursuing you," she reminded him.
"I'm right, aren't I?"
He sighed. "I don't know. Maybe. Shallow, stupid girls I can't talk to annoy me and leave me cold and that tends to make me really rude to them so they run off."
"You don't have to be stupid to be shallow."
"Maybe not, but most of the girls who want to sleep with me seem to be both."
She crossed her arms. "Does that include me, then?"
He blinked. "Of course not. You're neither."
"Pray tell how me wanting to sleep with you suddenly isn't shallow."
He shrugged. "That's an easy one. You're doing it because you have an odd sense of logic and because you're sexually attracted to me. Most of the other birds in this place want to do it so they can brag about it to their friends."
She looked at him thoughtfully and then nodded. "You do make a strangely appealing case for yourself right now. In spite of your disdain for most girls around here."
"I'm... sorry?" He frowned. "I'm not certain I understand, though."
"You're stereotyping their motivations. It comes across as misogynistic."
He gaped at her.
She merely waved a hand. "Never mind. I can deal with a misogynist for a one-night-stand."
"I'm not quite certain what that word means, but I'm sure I'm not."
"Maybe I'll explain it to you later. Right now, strip!"